Saturday, February 05, 2011

Being aware

It's one of "those" days.  Not bad, not particularly good.  It's one of those days when I have to actually LOOK for God's grace, though it's obvious and all around me.  I'm blinded by my imperfection. I'm feeling well, though I have some aches and pains that are age related and the tail end of a cold that has lasted several weeks.  Those things make me whine, and I'm sorry for that.  Forgive me- I'm so human.
My first thought this morning was not of the beauty of the trees and the snow on the ground, nor of the fact that we don't have 5' of snow backed up in our driveway.  It was simply that I felt cold and it is wet outside, and icy.  Icy- that was the thing that gripped me most of all.  Not that I planned to go out today- I did that yesterday when the ice wasn't such a problem. 
Breakfast was good  'as usual' reminded hubby.  We do eat well for breakfast.  A good start on the day means we can stay on our portion controlled diet better throughout the day.  But once the dishes were cleaned up, I felt worse.  I have a pain in one part of my upper back that won't let go despite pain meds.
It's a dreary kind of day where you know the sun must be up there in the sky because it's daylight, but won't be seen for the majority of the day, if at all.  The ice is melting and it's drizzly.. and cold.
I've been doing a lot of pondering about things lately.   Wondering why things are as they are.  God has this tapestry He's been weaving over the centuries, and I ponder why He let me be one of the beautiful fine threads.  My thread, like so many others before me, is not a long one, but in His hands, I become vibrant and though a very small part, a very important part.  I imagine myself as being that teensy tiny scarlet one in the corner.. (I smile to myself).
My frame of mind improves.  I am aware that in order to destroy viruses and bacteria- those virulent bugs that can be killers, we have to have cold and ice at some point during the year.  Now is a good time for that.. (I think I hear God laughing at me).  He knows me well, knows my weaknesses, and that I'm really not fond of extremes of temperature whether cold or hot, but He loves me and provides just exactly what is needed. 
Even the animals are seemingly slower today.  Deer aren't moving very fast and I saw some laying down in a bare spot back in the woods.  Beautiful animals they are.  Graceful.. timid creatures. 
The diamonds in the snow weren't there today.. but maybe tomorrow.  God shared them with me several mornings this week, and I marvelled at them and called them 'awesome'.  They really were. 
I saw a couple of squirrels too.  Talk about graceful creatures.  They move as though they are riding a wave on air- their tails flowing behind them . 
I return to the inside and am warmed by the little heater in the living room.  I realize that in some parts of the world it is cold and wet, and there is no little space heater to take it away and soothe the body.  I think that I am perhaps unappreciative of the little things in life.  I need to be more aware, more thankful.
We went grocery shopping yesterday and filled our pantry cupboard again, and it overflows onto the guest bed.  I am aware and I am thankful God has given us the means to feed our physical bodies. 
I am aware of God's great mercy and love as I read 'for God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.. that whosoever believes on Him, should not perish, but have eternal life"..I believe,  and I am aware and very very thankful.

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