THE CHALLENGE

I've been given a challenge. The challenge is to write my testimony for others to see. I have done the best I can.. what do you think?

IN THE BEGINNING...
I've always blamed my fiery temper and rebelliousness on my flaming red hair. As a child and youngster, I was the scourge of the family. I really had no direction, and though I had loving parents, I'm certain they were dismayed at having a 'problem child'. I had wild dreams and nightmares, and temper tantrums that left me exhausted. A few years ago a mental health social worker commented "You were a child who had something to say, and no one was listening". Mom always said it was from eating pickles before bed, but I knew it was more than that.
Though I can't remember my last tantrum or fit of uncontrolled rage even as an adult, I know it existed and can't say I miss it. I've mellowed and softened, and I've been changed. But I still have my flaming red hair, though there is a bit of gray in it now.
Life has been a struggle from the start, but I'm learning every day how to handle situations that once threw me off balance and into the pool of rage.
When I was 15 yrs old, my family visited a new local church in Upper Burrell. The pastor was very good with the youth- I was among his flock of young people learning about Biblical truths. I'd never really "read" scriptures before that, and didn't understand what I read anyway. I'm afraid I didn't have a startling conversion at that point- sorry to disappoint any who were anticipating that- but simply took the Bible truths to heart and began the long journey of growing as a Christian- a long rough path to walk.
I believed that Jesus was my savior and that he died for me. It seemed simple enough and I lived many years before I would realize what all this meant to me personally. My comfort zone would have to move and my security would have to be shaken violently, and I'd have to plunge to the depths of fear of losing our home and property before I'd be ready to give in.

GIVING IN...
It was several years ago when we were within months of paying off our mortgage. Wendell had lost his job driving truck because of his now insulin dependence, and I only worked part time bringing in a secretary's wages- not a lot, but it was enough to augment Wendell's income while he was working, but not enough to cover the mounting bills. Now it was all we had. Each month I'd ask myself "which bill shall I pay this time?" We struggled with everything we had to pay the mortgage and property taxes, but that one year, the income taxes came due and we were in trouble. For the first time we actually owed the government money and it wasn't just a few dollars. When I went in to have the taxes prepared, I took a deep breath and hoped I wouldn't cry when they told me what we owed. When it was over, I sat in my car in the parking lot and felt totally defeated. This was too much.
"God, where are you when I need you?" "I can't do this alone, you know". "Okay- I give up. You'll have to take care of this problem because I'm out of ideas".
And with a deep feeling of grief knowing that we'd likely lose all our earthly possessions over this, I drove home to tell Wendell the bad news. I felt like I'd hit the gutter.

GOD MUST HAVE BEEN SMILING...
God must have been smiling as He started to really work in my life. I'd been fighting him for so long thinking that I was the one who made things happen. Well, not outright , but subconsciously, I think that is so. The moment I gave up and let him have full rein, things started to happen.
Do you remember the story in the Bible about Moses and the Israelites at the Red Sea with Pharoah's army bearing down on them? The people freaked out and Moses told them to "stand back and watch what God would do", and God opened the Red Sea while the people walked across on dry land.
As I look back, this is what I was doing. Standing back and waiting for God to do something. I was finished trying to do things on my own and open to any suggestions.
Later that week, I walked outside and around the perimeter of the property thinking. None of this REALLY belongs to us. It has belonged to many people through the centuries. It is just ours for a season- God has loaned us this bit of land and the house. What a wonderful thought. As long as it belonged to Him, it would be His choice whether we moved or not. I relaxed. I felt comforted.
I went back to the scriptures and started reading again- this time with more ardor. How I loved Him for taking over my 'problems', and prayed for solutions. Whatever God wanted us to do, even if it meant moving, we would do so happily. He would provide.
We started to tithe no matter how much we made, and He took things from there. A check for a sum of money came and was enough to get us out of some of the major bills,and the pastor came and gave me a crash course on budgeting. I started looking at the blessings that come from being faithful to Him, and I liked what I was seeing.
Wait.. another problem. The car insurance was due to run out on Monday and I didn't have quite enough to pay what was due. I didn't tell anyone my dilemma, but sat down and prayed. I have learned to pray anywhere and everywhere and at any time. I read in the Psalms that 'He who keeps Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps'- so I feel free at any time to present my requests to Him.
Back to my problem- I still needed $125 to have the correct amount to keep the insurance on the car. Monday morning came and went without help arriving. It was in the mail in the early afternoon when we got a letter with a check in it.
"Dear Mom, You have helped us out so many times, we decided to give something back to you"..
It was the exact amount we needed to pay the insurance. My heart leaped with joy, and I ran to the bank and to the insurance office to pay the bill. You can't imagine how awed I was and still am at what happened that day. It left me with a joy and peace knowing that God hears our prayers and answers them too! It's not that I didn't know that, but it had only been a fact to me for a lifetime. Now it was real.
There have been so many examples of God working in our lives. I can't begin to list them all.

PROMISES..PROMISES..
I look for God's promises when I read my Bible. I make all kinds of startling discoveries as I read. Recently, it occurred to me that when one reads "Ask and it shall be given; seek and you shall find; knock and the door shall be opened" it doesn't apply to just anyone. It applies to the Christian only. It's a special relationship that makes this come alive.
He does not promise an easy life, but He does promise to be with me when I fall or when I'm frightened or need help even in my daily activities. I have to but ask.
He promises to have a place prepared for me when I leave this world. I'm comforted by this knowledge.
He promises to put problems in my life to bless me, to make me strong in faith.
He teaches me to trust Him alone for all my needs.
He promises that if I do things in His way in His order, I'll be blessed.

SPINNING A THREAD IN THE TAPESTRY..
God has a plan for me and for His people. He spins a fine golden thread of my life and inserts it into his tapestry. It is not for me to know what the tapestry will look like in this world- for I see only a teensy tiny few threads of it, but I know that I'm a part of the big picture.
Sometimes I've wondered why things happen in my life- things that make no sense. Like why when I wanted to go to college I ended up in nursing. Not something I had any interest in, but was urged to do it to take up some time while I was waiting. It has probably been the greatest blessing to me and to my family. It has provided us with an income over the years and even now. More than I would have earned as a language teacher. It provided us with a home, property, and education for our children.
I work at the local hospital and have met hundreds of people.. some for a brief time, and some for many years. It was by an injury to my back that I met my friend Rick, a PT who now lives far away. The injury wasn't serious, but it led to a friendship that has continued over time. In recent years, I met his wife Sandi who has become my best friend. She fills a need for a Christian woman with whom I can share problems and joys. The blessing of knowing her has been truly awesome. God just keeps spinning that thread.
Each of our children is now happily married. To this we add the joy of grandchildren. The tapestry is a bit larger and more colorful.

DEEP DARK WATER..
There were dark hours in our lives, as when Wendell suddenly had to have open heart surgery, but God was with us all the way leading us through the deep waters and restoring him. Wendell went into surgery with a peace about what would happen to him. He was a little anxious, but not afraid. God was there guiding the surgeon's hands.
And then a few years ago I struggled with phobias.. and finally was able to overcome these with a little help from a mental health social worker and a lot of trust in the Lord who was there with me when I crossed those bridges. Probably the most often repeated words in the scriptures were "fear not".. I had a lot of fear. It's gone and the void where it was is filled with contentment and joy knowing that I am safe with Jesus.

IN THE END...
I belong to the Lord. I'm not good, but I'm His. I know this is true and have hope for the future. In the end, I have a mansion waiting for me- it's being prepared now. I hope your room is next to mine.