A.D.D.

ADD.. Attention Deficit Disorder.
Interesting that as an adult late in life I'd be diagnosed with that problem. So a lot of things that weren't clear before are now quite clear to me. Like .. why I had such awful tantrums as a child..( I was the original poster girl for 'the strong willed child') ..and my anxieties and phobias.. and my inability to concentrate and be organized at home..
Well, these are some of the things I experienced and have all my life.. I just didn't have a name for it.
Typically, according to some experts, ADD is not recognized by the adult who has the problem. People like me find it difficult and sometimes impossible to be organized, complete a task, remember appointments, or even get dressed without some degree of stress in the morning.
I often wondered why it was that at work I was so well organized, and yet many times relatively unfocused. Aging didn't seem to help.. in fact, things were getting a little more difficult. I was working 4 times as hard at my job to do what the others did with relative ease. At home, it was even worse. At work, things had structure and routine. I could do this. At home, I had little structure, and once on my feet in the morning, it might have taken me till nearly noon to get to the point where I had my shoes on my feet. I was distracted at every turn. I was becoming more and more forgetful of important things, and lived shoulder to shoulder with stress.
I could read a book or an article and then remember nothing of what I'd read. The frustration of reading something over and over was getting overwhelming. I couldn't follow simple directions. Bills got paid late because I couldn't remember to pay them.

It was a couple of months ago when with much pushing, I finally discussed my inability to focus with my doctor.
He was certainly understanding, and suggested the drug Strattera to help me get a little more focused. I agreed to take it and see what happened. If you've read this blog, you know that drug has some nasty side effects.. like nausea for instance.. but to tell the truth, I have become much more focused, and the nausea is worth it if that's where the changes start.
I did some reading on organization and how to get moving on those skills. The internet is full of helpful sites. I copied some of the structured plans, and decided to put them to work. I had nothing to lose.
The key word here is structure.. something that people like me need desperately, but don't realize it. Wendy has been telling me this for years.. and I just didn't get it. Another thing I needed was a daily routine to get my day started. So I put these things together, made myself a list of things to do every day- morning , afternoon and evening too. Now, it seems to me that I took some bit of ribbing about my 'lists'.. I have so many of them.. but perhaps it was my subconscious attempt to organize my thoughts and add some structure to my existance. Sometimes it worked, and other times not. No one is ribbing me now. The results of having a detailed plan are startling and very positive. I no longer dread getting going on the day wondering what to do next. And I'm showered and dressed and done with my morning routine within 40 minutes of waking. My list for the morning includes such things as "brush teeth", "shower", "put face on".. Then I'm looking at my journal to see what I have planned for the day. The family has been urging me on with their positive feedback. Their support is the incentive to keep on doing the routines and then the daily tasks. The list of tasks looks formidable, but I know that I don't have to do it all in one day, but each small task makes an improvement over yesterday.
Too bad I didn't know about routines and structuring years ago. It would have made such a difference, and perhaps I wouldn't have ended up on medication to help me get focused. I have that focus now.
One more thing that is startling to me is my attitude has changed and my energy levels are high. Without the clutter all around me, I'm feeling more calm and comfortable.. relaxed. It's like a chain reaction. Wonderful. Of course, there is so much more to do, and I look at my bedroom and wonder if I'll be able to meet the challenge, but , yes, I will. I don't have to do it all right now. I can take small areas and improve on them and just keep working at it one small piece at a time. It may take months.. but eventually, it'll be done.
So the medication was a good thing. The organizational reading was a good thing too. I was ready for it. God gives us everything we need in the right order and at the right time.